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Life was in slow motion the last few days. That Trauma Support training hallowed me out. The elder who led the workshop changed a few fundamental beliefs that I had. My mind had to grieve the ol...

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“I need to reduce my stress hormones to make room for dopamine.” That line stuck with me. ADHD is a dopamine deficiency that I have and want to understand. This line came from the elder I learn...

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Something has shifted in the winds, brother. My emotional waters are calm, but I can feel the undercurrent. It could pull me under if I let it. My emotional world confuses me. I don’t have acce...

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Well, I made HR cry today. After we took our participants out to do some archery, we brought them back to the office. It is spring break so we get to see them during the day. They’re used to h...

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I’m tired of pretending that we’re okay. I don’t even want to talk about it. I’m trying to get over it. At the end of grieving is acceptance. That’s where I am with the work drama. My Communica...

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Our communications director called a family meeting yesterday. He told us that he got an email explaining that our Youth Program Manager and Wellness Director will not be returning from leave. ...

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I love surprises… NOT! My program does not run on Mondays so that we can be available for our participants on the weekend. It is spring break, so we are in today. HR came and set up shop in our...

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It’s like my inner world and outer world are not synced up. I caught myself going through the motions this morning. Whatever that even means. My mind is preoccupied with the stress of that pho...

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I knew that the shock would wear off so I made sure I had a soft landing. Whenever my mind tried to assign meaning or play out the worst-case scenario, I was able to remind myself that they wer...

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Now I’m back to this song on repeat. It’s like when you match the frequency of glass, it breaks. When I ignore the lyrics to this song, it matches the frequency of the pressure I feel when a...

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I thought it was behind us, that it was blowing over, since it’s been a month now when work got spooky. I took today off. The snow storm was menacing and I’m wintered out. Weathered out, more ...

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Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen pour myself a cup of pessimism Mother nature trauma dumped 6 inches of snow last night and I barely dug my car out when I decided to throw in the ...

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My therapist frustrated me during our last session. I told him about my porn addiction and he didn’t see the harm in it. He really challenged me on it. He has a lot of leftist brainwashing. Pros...

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I managed to center myself after my previous entry. Spending time with my grandmother shopping helped do the trick. I needed space from my space, in the end. Then I went over my personal finance...

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There were a lot of age jokes in the movie I watched last night. It triggered an existential crisis. My age sunk in. I’m 39 and I have nothing to show for it. I look back and it’s just so much...

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I am feeling less raw and sensitive today. We accrue one paid day off a month that we can bank. These are what wellness days are for, you dummy. Is all I kept thinking about at the office yest...

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Here is a random ChatGPT convo I had the other day: I put on an episode of Ancient Aliens, I used to love that show. Across history and culture, we were clearly connected by something. The star...

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I’m not emotionally intelligent. Ignoring how I feel is the smart thing to do. That is the belief I had for most of my life. Emotions have mass. They take up space and metastasize when you don’t...

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When it came to that community walk, I made it to the shelter. I made it into the shelter. We were minutes away from heading out when I handed them my vest and told them that I had to go. Jonah ...

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Twelve hours of sleep was not on my bingo card. I had a very intense dream about work. When I say intense, it was just very vivid. Jackie, who filled in as the Program Director is now the acti...

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Building willpower was the wrong approach. I need to reduce the cravings and the impulses. A little suffering is good for the soul. I need to build resilience. I feel my compulsive nature trying...

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I woke up thinking about my kids at work. Yesterday, I finally got a hold of the foster care worker who has two of our participants. He has had them for months. Once I explained that we could pi...

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The plot at work only thickened a little bit. They rekeyed our building. They came and cleared out one of the offices and there was a job posting for the secretary position. In case we don’t kno...

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Fuck me? Fuck you! Was the vibe about life on Saturday. After I called in, it felt like I had dropped all the cares in the world. I hadn’t felt so alive and unburdened in years. I tossed caution...

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I feel like I just had the best sleep of my life. Just under 12 hours. However, I am developing a bit of a cough. My chest has been burning for weeks, and now it’s just itchy. This cough feels s...

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