Entries 382
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Alignment
I don’t have any kind of plan. I don’t think I ever decided that I had an end goal - either for my life or for my family. What I have is more of a serious contemplation of each choice that is ...
Amazing
FIL got up on the stand and called me evil and vile. And the judge obviously granted my PPO order. Just amazing how much an idiot and an asshole this man is. Just to say, I never once called ...
Questions
Keep it simple. Keep it concise. Prove what needs to be proven, and nothing else. Mr N, are you happy and satisfied with your current relationship to my children? The children shared by my husb...
Betrayal
The PPO hearing is tomorrow. I feel very shaky. Anxious. Angry I am reminded of the feeling surrounding my brother and my own father. The terror of standing up to the man. As a small child, I d...
I am thoroughly
enjoying that I just now got the hearing notice in the mail. So FIL probably would have gotten it today, or maybe will get it tomorrow. Which leaves him exactly 2 non-weekend days to prepare or...
Why not?
Might as well detail the hellish ordeal that it is to file for a PPO. The county clerk is a complete joke. Spent a solid 2 hours going back and forth to get THEIR paperwork filed, which was EXA...
I'm Noticing
that when I’m sad, or hurt, I tend to get blame-y. IT MUST BE YOUR FAULT! lol Who do I know that sounds like that? So, in the interest of self-knowledge and honesty, I have begun to really exa...
Dear FIL,
It was not pleasant at all to see you at the barn today, How is that aggression going for you? I am a sucker for a good argument. Man alive do I just love a good argument. Exclusively those argu...
Time
Votex and Portals. My time has shifted. I’ve had startling revelations where I realized it was me, always me, talking to myself through time. I can’t really explain it, of course. I only have ...
On Becoming Christian
I was presented with, I think, the opportunity to confront a challenge of Fright. I did not want to confront it. I felt that I would not adequately, in that moment, withstand the temptation to f...
A New Reality
has been before me since the 8th of August, 2024. 8-8-8 It is a poignant experience. I have been reflecting on the grand scheme of things, and can only say that powers and principles far beyond ...
Well.
It’s been awhile. A lot has been going on. I’m not sure if transformative is the right word. But things have changed… Quite a lot. I’ve talked with DH more than we have have in any time window....
Be a Leader and Obey
Those were the words I heard spoken today. It was not ironic. It was not sarcastic. It was said with sincerity. I don’t know if we all have just collectively lost the ability to have a sort of…...
Spiritual Science
and the subjective experience. My relationship to the subjective is uneasy and skeptical. I think that comes out of being physically and emotionally abused as a child. Most people have that unfor...
Embarrassing
When you chaffe against someone who doesn’t play your game. Just name call. Act superior. Do whatever except the honorable. Okay. I hear you. I accept your lack of honor. Begone. I defer to reali...
Starting Over
from first principles. It does seem daunting, as an adult, to have to start over. But, that is exactly what I did. I think there must be a big enough Why for anyone to accomplish this. That is j...
What to say...
I feel as if I’ve gone back in time…a decade, to be precise. I daresay that I look like it, too. I looked at my face in the mirror today, and I was surprised. I can be a bit-well, impulsive. I h...
I saw
a name I haven’t seen in years. And it brought me back. I can imagine this person asking me, “So, what have you done with yourself in all these years?” An innocent enough question, although I fee...
Baking
Wow am I ever NOT a baker. I’ve been using sourdough to make bread for over a year now. And it’s always.... Well. It’s bread but it’s also a door stop. Lol I just recently started trying to make ...
Thoughts on Steiner
“I previously said that we should relate to children until puberty in such a way that they recognize us as an authority, that they accept something because someone standing next to them who is vi...
From Fluff to Stuff
Pretty self explanatory. First time for all of it. Harvested the wool, prepared it (minimally), hand spun it on a drop spindle, wound it by hand. I need to ply it. Not the greatest yarn, ob...
Day 2
12 Days I must say that I felt no small amount of- not joy, not happiness, not contentment- but.. of what, exactly? Self importance… A certain sense of knowing that someone at least feels an obli...
Merry Christmas
The kids’ nativity scene that they can play with (it’s doesn’t last long set up lol) My cat is a one person cat. She hates everyone else but loves me- I’m her car mom since I found her when she ...
So much
Done and no pics to show 😂 I swear I did finish like 90% of my list from before. The dino turned out so stinking cute. I’m bummed I didn’t get a pic. Oh but I did get a pic of this; Hah. This ...
/Sigh
I am humbled. I am more than humbled. I am Humiliated. I asked my unconscious. And. You know what? I did not respect it’s power. It did not worship it’s integrity. It had no thought for what my ...
Book Description
Thoughts, and Whatever else.
