Entries 349

Page 12 of 14

It feels really good. I feel like you care. I feel like you want to be around. I feel wanted. I feel valued. And I know it’s just as much my fault when I don’t feel this way. I know that I can b...

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This morning I was making coffee and I began to ponder. I pondered and I thought and I pondered. (Yes I’ve been reading Winnie the Pooh to my son lately, lol) I wondered why my mother told me th...

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That’s what my mom said to me yesterday. When I asked her about what choices she thought she didn’t have. When I pushed and prodded and dug and tried to uncover the real reason for her abandonme...

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I find it very annoying that you come back with these excuses. I have noticed this pattern repeating in fashion for the last year or so, since we began talking about my childhood. You said to me...

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I realize now that I bonded with animals when I was very young. What brought on this realization was observing how our mutual pet cats effortlessly bring out excitement, affection, adoration, an...

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I feel like I’ve fallen down a deep dark hole, but perhaps not as bad as it could be. That’s how I always feel, though. In he depths of depression, I deny my own pain and focus on self erasure. ...

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is my world, now. He wasn’t before, but he is now. And I’m actually okay with that. I’m quite frankly in love with that. I really love the fact that I can think about HIM and HIS needs, what HE w...

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My default is to forestall feeling my emotions before I even have a chance of being aware they’re there. I found a great place to start expressing myself where I feel safe enough to accept feedba...

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Attention. Holding a background & foreground of ideas, opinions, feelings, etc, of opposing views is a mark of maturing attention. “On the other hand,”, “In contrast..”, “I’m angry with you b...

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Babe slept 6 hours straight for the 3rd night in a row. I’m so happy. We had a big day yesterday. An almost 5 hour round trip to go pick up a cow. Yes, I bought a cow with my stimulus money =’D ...

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If you don’t know what it is, look it up. You won’t be disappointed. For the last year and a half, I have been slowly making our house less health antagonistic. Ie, had DH rewire the old ungroun...

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Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of social media. Stay off of s...

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I’m gonna cry and that’s okay. I am so sad. People are mean and nasty. They’re just plain rude. Even people I know in real life are downright insulting and invite their friends to a pile on whe...

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So much has happened. I guess that’s what I get for not making an entry for months. But hey. I had a baby, yo. It’s really difficult to know where to start. So I guess I’ll just write what’s on...

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Often, as I listen to myself talking, wondering just what I will say, I realize that some platitude is about to be ejected. These platitudes are always universally acceptable, aren’t true or are...

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It’s a new game I’m playing. Pretty much all the time. When I have the time, anyways. That’s not entirely true. I’m well aware of my ability to DO absolutely anything and everything in order to ...

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Why I decided that being open and honest and genuine with people is just the worst. People are catty and mean. They are selfish, and self serving. The general public is also just plain ignorant....

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My therapist told me to use more fluff- as in emotional reasoning to connect- to dampen my communicative approach. Which is completely frustrating. You don’t reason with emotions, first of all. ...

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“Spare the rod, spoil the Child,” Ironic that an age old proverb is used to defend a barbaric practice that we’d rather not examine. An oxymoron, really. This proverb must be taken out of context...

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I had an interesting discussion with DH yesterday. Like a hardcore 2.5 hour in depth sharing about our family dynamics. My concerns in the conversation really centered around the stance that h...

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always seems to do it’s own thing. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. I don’t know what the face is a window to. But for me at least, it seems to be a window to some inner world with ...

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I did start therapy. At first I didn’t know exactly why I’d started it, but I’ve quickly realized I have massive emotional dissociation or disconnect. “To put it simply, emotional dissociation i...

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Rode my boy yesterday - not the OTTB I’m working but MY BOY. lol. I love him so much. Horses are amazing. Yeah, it all sounds so romantic, I’m sure, to someone who’s never experienced the comple...

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I think I may have made up my mind to actually write. I’ve been writing since I knew how- about the 3rd grade to be precise. Not journals, or letters, or anything- but long form novels. I’ve nev...

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Working 12 hour days, in between hauling calves, chickens and horse sale calls, my car blew a piston. Happy Summer, y’all. It’s hot as balls and I would LOVE to go for a swim, but no car… and D...

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