Entries 102
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New Year...
I tried really hard to reread through my entries from the past year and get some perspective. I made it to the end of July and stopped because it just hurt too much to relive it. So yeah… this p...
Bleh...
So surgery… it wasn’t as bad as expected pain wise. I haven’t really been in pain so much as just uncomfortable. I’ve been stuck at my parents house longer than anticipated. For starters I don’t ...
Ugh...
So I just started this morning… And then I got a phone call saying my Dr can’t do the surgery on the 20th because his tech is out of town that week, so it got moved to the 14th. Fun… I kinda need...
2 Weeks...
I have 2 weeks until I have surgery… I’m kinda anxious and scared about how much pain I’ll be in. I’ve been talking to my ex bf recently. I’m so over him. Like I guess hugs and cuddles are nice ...
Just I Dunno...
It’s been a bit… I’ve been sick for over a week now… starting to feel better but can’t shake this cough… There have been a few random conversations with F but nothing of any real consequence. I m...
Mistake...
Last night was a total mistake. I was drunk and texted F and he actually responded so then I called him and at first it was ok… but it quickly escalated and ended with him mad and swearing and me...
Phone Call with F...
Just fml.. I would really like to not exist right now. My drunk self is going to regret this so hard tomorrow. Just fuck everything. I suck, I don’t matter at all, I’m worthless.
The Fuck...
My brain hurts y’all. Like a lot… So this afternoon at work I was basically propositioned for sex. And it really caught me off guard and from someone I really wasn’t expecting it to come from. H...
Let's Be Honest...
Just for a minute… Every night I go to sleep thinking about curling up in bed with F and how we just fit together perfectly… like puzzle pieces. It’s the only thing that gets me to sleep at night...
Living Alone...
I’m absolutely terrible at it. It makes me entirely miserable, but I wouldn’t want roommates to deal with either. I’m still missing F. I haven’t spoken to him really. I haven’t texted him. Kinda...
Kitteh...
Just a quick update on one of my cats… he had 2 strokes back in Augustish. I’ve had a time with him since. He has a rare blood disorder… his bone marrow makes too many rbcs and so his blood gets ...
Boys...
I watched a movie tonight called That Awkward Moment. I really enjoyed it. I think there are some guys who could benefit from watching it. Maybe then they’d realize that life isn’t all about gett...
Surgery...
So I had my follow up appointment post MRI… as suspected I have a hip larval tear and a pretty decent one. Basically there’s a ring of cartilage that serves as a gasket where your femur connects ...
Exhausted...
I’m sitting at work waiting for today to just be over already. I’m exhausted and sore. Last night me and my ex hubby cleaned out the goat barn. He basically shoveled it out and I swept up some, t...
Laying in bed...
I’m laying in bed. It’s cold, even with a blanket. Temp dropped yesterday. According to my phone it’s 41 outside currently. I took the dogs out this morning and fed the pigs then laid down again...
Sick...
Laying in bed sick. I don’t want to do anything. I was feeling a bit off on Friday and woke up Saturday morning feeling like hell. Haven’t done much… Talked to F on Friday because I had to beca...
Forgot to Mention...
Ok… this is probably tmi so fair warning… I was talking to J at work… I think it was one day last week… anyways, he starts talking about F and the bar slut. First, J refers to her as “swamp thing...
Not Sure Why...
I’m laying here crying and I’m not really sure why. I really miss him. I don’t even know why. We haven’t talked in weeks. He’s still screwing some bar slut. And I’m laying here alone, miserable, ...
What the Fuck?
Ok… had the ortho appt on Wednesday. They look up my MRI that I had done last year… tell me according to that I have a tear in the cartilage in my hip. First I’ve heard of it??? So now I have to ...
Might As Well...
Explain the other fucked up stuff. My ex bf from last year… the addict that I’d been with for 2.5 years. Keep in mind he wasn’t acting all full blown addict/alcoholic until the last like 6 month...
Daydreaming...
I’m still daydreaming… hoping that this will all go away and he’ll magically realize what he’s missing. I daydream that he talks to me at work and says he misses me and wants to try again. That h...
I Miss Him...
Terribly… I miss being curled up in bed. I miss him holding me and kissing my forehead. I miss showering together. I miss how sweet he was to my animals. And him sitting at the counter eating bre...
I Just Don't Know...
I don’t know how I feel. Then again I’m really trying to just not feel anything. I haven’t talked to him in like a week. He’s off Wednesdays and Thursdays and he took this past Tuesday off. He w...
Not Like That...
Well, I need to throw in the towel and stop feeling sorry for myself. F says he just doesn’t have feelings for me like that and wants to be friends. Fuck that. I’m in love with you. I’m not inte...
At Least...
At least I finally started. I’ve been really down. Everything is all fucked up. What’s really sad is that a big part of me still wants him. So badly. I confronted him. I asked him why he wasn’t...
