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Page 14 of 26

i’m still fukin afraid. to talk to her [‘her’ being amber]. i mean there’s me. not wanting to talk to people cause i’m shy/not v. verbally expressive/w/e. and then there’s. i’m so damn afraid to....

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i um wow. i’m just. in shock. i.........i’m so detached.

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ya know. in the past whenever i was violated in some way i never documented it. also it didn’t happen enough to be documented. and bc of that i didn’t feel it was bad enough to be documented. to ...

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again this is an awful feeling. i don’t know that i’m ok right now. bc of this. so basically as i might’ve mentioned. yesterday for a short period of time i felt like amber forced me into doing s...

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this is an awful feeling. i wasn’t abused again but i was violated in terms of human rights. it was even confirmed yesterday by Alex. i. wow. i’ll write more about what happened w/ this later.

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my ptsd is. becoming more evident. i’ve gone.......there............the flashback. that about 4 times lately. on the 25th it’ll be 4 yrs. since my 2nd SA. sex abuse.

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we’re still good. he’s ok w/ the decision i made about us. when i asked him he said ‘yes’. last night he was agitated and starting to spike out. i knew it was coming i just. was disappointed caus...

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so yesterday when i came back to my house steph informed me that amber wanted me to sign a paper stating that i wanteed alex to be my advocate. which isn’t a problem. here’s the thing: amber want...

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i’m on my period so i’m forgetful. actually it’s been fairly easy. other than i’m hot and nauseous. but anyway. yeah so today. i had a meeting w/ alex my advocacy lady. yesterday i’d printed up a...

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even just today. i’m not even all caught up on all the other stuff yet. ok so i have news. i. am not moving. unless either i want to or steph and jenn are so done w/ me that they don’t know what ...

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wow it feels weird putting that. turned yesterday. it [my birthday] was really nice. low key and mellow and i like that. whenever people ask if their friend feels older i never knew what that me...

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2.5 yrs. and 2 days since my best friend left us.

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um................damnit. evan he. he’s far from perfect but he treats me like a queen. he’s sweet and funny and v. loving at times. he knows my past. he’s careful w/ me. so careful. in the physi...

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evan he well he’s a little mentally off. he has depression and i don’t know what all else. you know how people like that are sometimes depicted in movies. yeah some people w/ mental disorders sca...

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yeah so on um wed. i went to use the facilities at an eatery and. i came back and i said something to evan regarding the above er. yes the above quote/subject of this entry and he said that. righ...

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Mon. I’m 27 now, so..............i don’t want to say how old i’ll be cause i don’t like thinking about getting older. but regardless of how i feel about that i’m still really godamn lucky to be ...

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omygod. evan is so incredibly sweet. so on tues. it was like we were a couple. wow. it was raining and we kissed [well i mean at my park] and there were more kisses. he was super physical. actual...

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so my dad’s mom had surgery on.....Tues. she had something removed. it went well everything turned out ok. i was hoping it would. also she’s 90, so. [the only thing i know about surgery and age i...

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warning adult content. haven’t done one of these in a long while. well. i must say [ala mel b on america’s got talent] i’ve felt damn sexy. one of the many things i’ve been feeling. ever since ye...

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ya know. for the longest time i didn’t listen to that song. i didn’t even want to. cause it reminded me of my ex. and yes while i’m still ..........um in love w/ him. also now i actually want to ...

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idk. like i’ve had feelings for him for awhile. and we’ve been more than friends for awhile. but now i’m starting to have more. er i mean now i’m starting to have more feelings for him. er i mean...

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um so this happened recently. so for awhile when i go out to the gas station i also go to the bar. and up untill thurs. no one had said anything about it. the times i have gotten something at the...

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my dad’s mom’s having surgery on tues. she’s having something removed. she’s 90 so i hope it goes ok.

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this might’ve come up a few times over the course of my time blogging since i’ve started. ya know i think. a part of me wanted to have that figure being that my dad i haven’t been close in. a lon...

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for those who don’t know i don’t like my dad. i mean he’s a good guy but he just. wasn’t there and so now i won’t let him be. also i’m afraid of him. and. i just don’t want to bridge the gap betw...

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