Entries 647

Page 13 of 26

yes this again. so yesterday was. long. and yet it went by quickly. my days are so long that i’ll thinkof something that happened that morning [like ok on tues. i’ll think of something that happe...

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we’re still good. we almost fought tonight. but didn’t. i was already frustrated and he didn’t have much time to talk and so. then that didn’t help. and i’m like ‘um. i should go’. i’ve learned ...

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so i don’t know. i think alex has emailed jennifer my notes. and i think maybe jennifer and amber have been talking. but i don’t know. so again amber’s in control. apparently they want to get th...

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twice lately he’s called me just to check in. ever since we’ve become us he’s been a lot more attentive. oh. ‘he’ being evan.

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this whole. amber objectifying violation thing. and also. it’s been 5 yrs. and 3 days since i was raped. so that screwed w/ it too. er well i guess that’s not quite what i meant damnit. no it mad...

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so i’m less angry about the amber thing now i’m just hurt. i feel like she objectified me. by a lot of the time talking about me. talking around me like i wasn’t even there. deciding things for m...

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ya know thing is this amber thing was up to me. untill it wasn’t anymore. i told my mom a few things about how i felt about it. and she emailed the notes to alex. and i think alex is going to tal...

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right so like i mentioned evan and i are an us now. we’ve been friends for 3 yrs. [well. we still are] and now we’re ‘us’. it hasn’t been that long it’s only been.......um well today’s the 3rd da...

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1: badmouth my best friend. i’m sorry, my late best friend and 2: piss off the guy i’m seeing [yes. evan i are together now. we decided this tues. but more on this later. we’re us an ‘us’ and i l...

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‘This is what women’s lib was all about. This is what. joan jett [love joan jett[ [or whoever] was all about. being............er not putting up w/ crap. and saying no. er, communicating it [caus...

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i had another dream about rape last night. oh wow............it’s been. about a month since i las had one. um.

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and a correction. so, apparently. amber’s not my case manager. she’s my. residential placement coordinator person. but regardless either way. she shouldn’t’ve done what she did. ok so secondly. i...

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my god i feel like crap [again]. uhm.........right so today. i’m going to talk to my mom about getting a new case manager see what she says.

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i want..........my...........him. the guy who. who raped me to care about what he did. to care about me. that’s why i want to cut right now. even though we haven’t been in contact in almost 5 yrs...

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Please be careful when reading. There are details of my 2nd rape/sex abuse in this. i remember........um. the size of him. not of um it but of him. he was a medium size guy. we were dating at th...

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it’s been. 5 yrs. since my 2nd sex abuse. [and yes given how it happened it can differ from rape]. um. it’s way too real right now. and. i’m irritable as hell cause of my ptsd [which i was diagno...

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yeah so evan’s going to the dentist tom. so basically what happened was that on thurs. he was tackled which led to his front teeth being pushed forward. apparently they hurt. a lot. he’s ok other...

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i don’t have the energy to put a full title i haven’t lately. bc of my depression. last time it took 2 damn months only to have me be happy for a wk. anyway. it sure as hell puts all your other p...

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trust her that is. and if something’s telling me not to then. i should go w/ that i personally think. and so right now i’m going to. cause if i do [trust her i mean] and it gets worse. well that ...

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well. i’m not really. i don’t trust amber not to threaten me again bc well based on past experiences. she’s the one who’s or who was all about me being honest w/ her which i’m not that open a per...

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i know what to do about this, so. ‘well now i’m just depressed. which, well, i was before i mean i have clinical depression. but i had a wk. there before tues. where i was happy. that’s the most ...

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like i put in my last entry it’s starting to become real. i’m starting to see her for who she really is. well. my version of who she really is which. might not actually be who she really is. ambe...

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it’s starting to become real. [more details in next entry]

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i’m so. fuking. fragile right now. and vulnerable bc of this. i can’t believe this fukin happened to me again i thought i was done w/ this. well that’s the problem is i think i am and then. yeah ...

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so last time amber stopped by she said she’d call before she does again. well the only day she’d be able to stop by is mon. i think since she doesn’t work on thurs. and fri. again i think. and i’...

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