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When I said “Maybe I’m afraid to die” I am. I’ve realized today that I have been in a state of anxiety over death. Death is a surprise that no one wants. I laugh and talk shit about living foreve...

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I didn’t really want to say much. I’m feeling so tired. I don’t know why this week feels like it’s been rough on me. I know I’m in need of a vacation. Well, just time off work. The first two days...

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I say that because I think I age and realize how close to death I can be. At any moment, but somehow I stay refusing to believe in death. Sounds weird, but it is my nature. I’ve written before ho...

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I just want to scream. I don’t usually lean into all of the superstition that falls in line with this day. This morning though, I had this overwhelming sense of dread coming into the office today...

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Have you ever been forced into being petty? That’s kind of where I am. My sister and I had a crowd funding thing going on for the food truck. One person gave us $25 dollars and that was all the ...

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…but it was rather worth it. Hey at least I knew when I needed to sit down and stay there. So that bug I’d been battling, apparently the fight is still a little bit on. As I’ve said, I ditched cl...

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So as planned, I ditched school in favor of rest. I emailed my last assignment to my teacher and will now go over the powerpoint and my notes so that I can take my exam next week. I pretty much k...

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So, I’ve decided not to go to class tonight. The last class of the course. The final exam will be open for a week. I have so much to do this weekend and I need to be well. So I won’t go to class....

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I don’t know when it happened, but it could have come at another time. This is the pits! While I’m not going to claim it, I’m going to treat it and act like it doesn’t exist. Something done caugh...

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After a chat with my sister on the phone yesterday, she revealed that daddy seems so sad right now, these days. She says he’s tired of the people he’s surrounded by, he’s tired of his profession ...

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Whenever I get on the train on days I go to school, I see the history of my city. I forget to take pictures, but usually my phone is dead so I can’t. I’ve done the research sort of. I love histor...

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When it comes to me and taking vacation days off, it is horrible. A while ago, like when I first started working here, I never took time off because it seemed as if everytime I came back to work ...

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I’m thinking about him. Not “Him” him. A different him that I gave a try for a couple of useless years. This him was also an out of towner. Met him in a poetry group. He wrote like no one’s busin...

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Valentine’s has come and gone. My kids father, in the usual asshole he is fashion, took our daughter and grandson to the movies and acted as if my son didn’t exist. I say that because it wasn’t b...

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The eve of Valentine’s Day when I fake like I don’t feel wounded and alone. I usually project my love onto my babies where I get them a gift and take them to dinner. Their dad is trying to take t...

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1) Tried to call my “bff” but the conversation was all text. Don’t know if that was on purpose or not. I almost don’t want to try even that anymore, but I reached out. 2) My cousin and her daught...

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I do believe I blogged about my grandson having been in the hospital because of asthma. Up until then I denied, was in denial about it, but this hospital trip made me do some research. The resear...

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My grandbaby has asthma, I guess. I say that because I’m still not willing to accept that he has it. Well, he was having some breathing issues this morning. Like using his whole body to breathe. ...

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I was 16. I was seeing an older guy. Our relationship was good. He was grown. I was mature. He taught me some stuff. We talked. We had a good time together. I remember that night we were chilling...

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::ahem:: Dear IRS Lady: I want you to know that I have followed every direction because I’m not a person that doesn’t try to figure things out for myself. I came to you as a last resort which is ...

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In addition to self inflicted stress about school, I also find that I’m isolated a bit. I’ve already noted the feelings of isolation, but they’ve been more prevelent especially when I get bored. ...

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The way I hear it, from my dad I am one of 12 children my father has. There are only two sets of us that my dad had two children with. My big brother and I and my baby brother & baby sister. ...

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There is always one in the bunch that likes to try me. I’ve been trying not to dwell too much on an intruder into my space on yesterdays entry. My words were taken out of context and misused, mis...

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I’m bored. I’m lonely. I’m kind of helpless. I’m preoccupied with aging and death. The preoccupied with aging and death thing. I’ve been on this morbid trip once before. With death being in our f...

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I am feeling totally lazy today. I don’t even know if I can call it lazy. Maybe it is. It’s cold out. The sun is shining. Maybe I need the sun shining in my life. But I like the dark better so th...

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