Entries 55
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Funeral plans sorted
The funeral is this Saturday. Monday was a tough day, as expected. We went to the meeting at the funeral home and it probably took an hour and a half or so. Just a lot of paperwork when so...
Journalling to cope
Thankyou to everyone whom took the time to send your sympathy for me about my dad's passing. It's certainly been a tough 48 hours, and I can't believe how much has happened in such a short amou...
Rest in peace, dad
Dad passed tonight at 9:27pm. It seemed very peaceful. His breathing just slowed and eventually he took his last breath. We all told him we loved him and that it was okay to let go, and I sai...
Now I lay me down to sleep
"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen." This was the prayer I was taught as a kid to pray before bed ever...
Go in peace
I will be glad when this stops dragging out tbh. Dad is at least back in Pittsworth, where he wants to pass. It may not be at home exactly, but he needs to be where he can get the support he...
Sweet dreams
Well it’s been a rough few days, notably a few days ago when the horrid thoughts were there. This happened the same night as earlier in the day I’d had the paramedics at work looking me over whe...
Well this is a fucking depressing entry
So things are bleak. After I wrote that last entry, my mum rang me. That was a tough conversation, especially when I heard my mum break down over the phone. The doctor has officially given my dad...
The dreaded phone call
I had a phone call from my mother right after I wrote that last entry. Things aren’t good. She’s called a family meeting in Toowoomba for next week to discuss what to do with my dad. She broke...
Close call
I’m watching the opening ceremony for the Paris Olympic Games at the moment. It’s the replay, as I wasn’t getting up at 2:30am to watch it live. It’s actually pretty cool, despite the rain. I ...
Mind/wars
I need to try and find a way to mentally deal with the evil that goes on this world. I’m not very good at it. It’s affecting me, big-time. How do you guys do it? I need some advice. Normally ...
Just some thoughts on Luke and Jesse
I managed to fight off a panic-attack last night. It was brought on by my overthinking of the horrific murder situation of Jesse and Luke, and me trying to think of scenarios of how it could hav...
Depress and reject
I don’t know how tonight is going to go. I’ve booked for 16 but I think about 9 are coming. I have to count the ‘maybes’ as ‘no’s‘ on the invite list. But anyway, things have been bad, and goo...
Still kicking
I’m kind of almost at my wit’s end, it feels like sometimes. I’ve found I’m generally okay for the first few hours of a morning, and then I don’t know if it’s the humid weather or what, but I de...
Feelin' alright, spoke too soon
I’m writing so often because I want to document how weird this situation is. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Is this what people on hard drugs feel like all the damn time? Moreso the ...
Shake shake
Whoaaaa, last night wasn’t pleasant. Like holy-cow. I’m not sure what brought it on (besides the obvious trauma of the past week) but my anxiety was so severe and I was freaking out about how t...
And it's up and it's up and it's up and it's up
I saw my doctor this morning. Last night was a rough night, my God. The vertigo was quite intense and didn’t seem to be leaving me alone. I was watching Youtube videos on exercises to try and I...
I almost tainted
Mole is removed! Can’t believe I didn’t get that done years ago. I just about died when I saw the needle, and realised where it was going. Anyone had a needle in their taint before? I can now ...
Medical, not cosmetic
Oh getting old is fun, not. I did a bit of researching around and settled on a medical centre not too far away I guess. I caught a ferry there after work and gym. It was free as it was an ini...
Thanks
I should probably write again. That last entry was fucking tough but I’m glad I wrote it down. This diary really has been like my form of therapy since 2004 when I started writing on OpenDiary,...
Off myself
(this entry is a bit dark FYI) Today the mental health was beyond shocking. Easily the hardest day of 2021 for me so far. For some reason, my brain decided to want to tell me I was worthless, ...
Fixed up
I’m back from the dentist. Yesterday wasn’t even fucking mentioned. Probably a good thing, as I had my receipts and the appointment card ready to throw at them and yell, “WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ...
Ghost booking
I spent all day being anxious about my dentist appointment (as I always do) and went to gym early so I could try and calm myself down a little, and went to my appointment. There was a girl alrea...
92 not out
I touched on it briefly in the survey I did, but yeah my one surviving grandparent (dad’s mum) found out she has mouth cancer last week. She’s 92yo. I’m still stunned it’s mouth cancer of all t...
FFS
Australian media being censored on Facebook is actually the BEST thing that could have happened here. Lord knows the amount of crap I’ve seen on my feed over the years, let alone the amount of k...
Don't fucking stab me, crazy people
I’m actually really anxious today. And I hate this feeling. I shouldn’t be feeling this way, but suddenly I am. I’m back at work tomorrow and the panic-buyer’s, or rather the idea of them, is ...
