Without you... in Just Moments

~Have you ever wondered how your life would be different if you never met certain people? I have. I have been hurt and damaged by so many different people over the years. And these said people were supposed to be my friends. Its so true when they say that the people closest to us are the ones that hurt us the most. I don't understand why this always seems to be the case but it is. I can't deny it because I know I've hurt people close to me. None of it has ever been on purpose, but it happens. And now I've hurt someone again, totally by accident. I thought I was doing the right thing, telling him what was going on, but apparently not. And you know what he's hurting me now. I don't know why he doesn't see that. He's really letting me down. And this is why I have decided that it is so much better not to feel. Cuz if I can't feel anything then there is a much smaller chance of me getting hurt. And getting hurt is something I don't wish to be partaking in anymore. I'm just sick of crying, sick of the crushing pressure I feel in my heart. I'm sick of constantly feeling broken. I know that time will help all this go away and eventually I won't be able to feel any of this anymore but I don't want to feel NOW! So we'll see what happens. I've considered using harmful means to accomplish this, and though I have yet to use them, I really am considering it. Whatever it takes to get the job done. But then again I am a good girl at heart so we shall see.

~So life without M has been interesting. Its weird that this isn't the first time this has happened to me, I just thought that he would be the last person to do it. When A and I stopped being friends it hurt like this but with M it is deeper. M really did care about me and I about him and we had a deeper connection than A and I did. Losing friends is always painful but then again its something that happens and I guess I can't really do anything to stop it. I tried yesterday and failed and you know what, you can only try and fail so many times before you just give up. And that's what I'm basically doing, giving up. If M wants to talk to me he will I know that he will. I'm just sick of waiting for him. Because what if he never does? I don't know what will happen in the future and that seriously scares me. But I suppose no matter what I need to move on without him and perhaps start over fresh and be whoever I want to be. Meet new people and create a new life for myself. We'll see what I decide to do... Wish me luck! <3