Coming out in Everyday life

I want affection from men.

Am I gay? I don't think so. The act of sexual relations with a man does not turn me on. I enjoy sex with the right woman (i.e. one with whom I have some chemistry) quite a bit, actually. The intensity of it, especially.

My relationships with other men have always been screwy. It dates back to my childhood, I reckon, but I don't know why. Maybe it's because of my screwed-up relationship with my father. Maybe it's because I was bullied, and I couldn't trust older males. I don't know.

I've always had this thing in the back of my mind saying, "Am I gay?" I keep asking myself that question. And I keep coming back to the sexual component -- it doesn't interest me, and I have no reason to believe it would, ever. (I'm not bashing gay folk with that comment, by the way. It's just not for me.)

But I would love to lay in the warm embrace of a man. I still can't figure out why that's appealing to me.

Congrats, PB friends. You're the first people I've ever told this. Not even mentioned to my therapist.