24 in idea barrages

1.) We knew he’d eventually boast about killing the lieutenant, he was full of fraggadocia.

2.) I’ve never seen ARROW so I’m assuming the guy with the Magneto helmet is called “Captain Not-In-The-Face”.

3.) Some day we’ll finish creating our female clone of Ken Jennings, Jen Kennings, and unleash her as our super-spy.

4.) Terrible story idea: A cabal of YouTube “celebrities” picking a person at random to make internet famous, MY FAIR LADY style.

5.) You can’t spell “positive body image” without “body mage”. It’s literally true.

6.) To imagine how many stars there are in the universe realize that there are almost as many stars as there are fake Trump accounts on Twitter.

7.) If anyone other than Rand Paul gave a damn about Rand Paul, “Randsplaining” would be a fun portmanteau.

8.) At least once per Super Bowl party, do a dance and sing “Guacamole, guacamole! Oozing out all of my guacaholes, guacaholes!”

9.) Name your child Experience then wait for him to discover the Oscar Wilde quote “Experience Is The Name We Give To Our Mistakes.”

10.) Take the train, you don’t actually wanna park at Sesame Street. You don’t want Big Bird crapping on your car.

11.) Diet Day 3: it is 3:30AM. I am too hungry to sleep. Dying at like 45 sounds less and less unappealing.

12.) Being a good person is great but suppressing who you are to peopleplease is futile, folk’ll find reasons to hate anyway. Must remember this.

13.) A story where Bizarro and Superman are roommates called “Imperfect Strangers”.

14.) Texas Senator Ted Cruz’s campaign theme song is “Deutschland Uber Dallas”, of course.

15.) Otto The Orange is actually a citrus golem, that’s why he wears the hat, to hide the word for “truth” in Hebrew on his forehead.

16.) She tried to overcome her addiction to self-help books but she couldn’t help herself.

17.) Easy costume: fill a trash can w/ mediocre beer, dress all in green, swim around in it, tell everyone you’re Oscar The Grolsch.

18.) “Tripper, don’t fear The Roepers, because they’re weird and they’re old and they’re lame, just don’t be like they are…“

19.) Getting up and performing is like sex. It’s gonna be fast and awful the first few times. Stick with it. Get to the good stuff.

20.) A first-person game where you run around a warehouse and shoot mustard at each other. It’s called Gulden’s Eye. It’s… pretty terrible.

21.) The dark underbelly of positive thinking is that its logical extension is victim-blaming. Can’t smile your way out of getting hit by a bus.

22.) The urban myth about people being murdered by a crazed infomercial host is called Blenderman. It’s… pretty terrible.

23.) They made sure to make sure their softcore pirate movie wasn’t too graphic, just enough for a very hard Rrrrrrrr.

24.) Blame my puns on Dudley Moore in SANTA CLAUS THE MOVIE. All of them. He taught me to be elf-motivated.

25.) The wizard cast a becereal spell on your car as revenge and as your insurance agent I regret to inform you it’s Totaled.