102 in idea barrages

1.) If you can live your life without ever changing your Twitter handle to a “wacky” Halloween name, you’ve done okay.

2.) When that candy bar you paid for doesn’t quite fall off the twisty-wire, start yelling that you’re in the vend-zone.

3.) I feel like if you pitched “it’s the uber of Yelp” with no explanation, venture capitalists would give you 500 million dollars.

4.) A film about a quality control person at a paper towel factory called SCRUTINY ON THE BOUNTY.

5.) The dog refuses to laugh when I call him “Bark Ruffalo”, clearly out of spite.

6.) I imagine Trump asking where the Reichstaag is so that he can burn it down because “it worked for the last guy”.

7.) I heard that John Nougat Mallomar lyric as “life goes on long after the threat of living is gone” well into my 30s, if that says anything about me.

8.) Youtube’s mascots oughta be Like, Comment & Subscribe, 3 elves kinda like the Rice Krispies guys except REALLY shrill & needy.

9.) Remember, as we suffer another horrifying gun tragedy, the NRA does not care about gunowners, it is a lobby group for gun makers & sellers.

10.) The news makes me feel so helpless. The world’s shrugging reaction to the news makes me feel so helpless. Can’t log off from everything.

11.) A Cars parody about oysters called “Buy Bi-Valves” I guess. I dunno. My funny’s broken on a day like this.

12.) The “Cool Pope” won’t meet with the Dali Lama because he wants those fat Chinese tithes but will meet with a bigot who won’t do her job.

13.) Wealth is the residue of suffering or… suffering is the residue of wealth, I dunno. One of those two.

14.) Fan-fic where Ron Weasley is subbed out for Ron Paul.

15.) If there’s a cider-related scandal and you don’t use the headline “APPLE JERKS” you fail at journalism.