not my best barrage (because of allergies) in idea barrages

1.) In this set of dreams, I was tortured with rose thorns for not understanding abstract math then someone stole all the ID in my wallet and replaced it with counterfeit lottery tickets but left the cash alone.

2.) We live in the kind of low-imagination world where there’s a ghost-pepper burrito in September but it isn’t a Halloween thing.

3.) facebook, if you’re going to keep goddamned reverting to goddamned “top stories” why even allow me the OPTION of “most recent” like I want 100-per-goddamned-cent of the time? why tease me with the idea that I might OCCASIONALLY get what I want out of your goddamned service? now facebook won’t let me read messages. Is this revenge for pointing out how much I hate “top stories”? facebook, are you self-aware and vengeful? Have I been Cyberdyned?

4.) I always love when an event advertises “light refreshments”. I always imagine we’re all drinking laser beams.

5.) My Beastie Boys name is “Ad-Block”

6.) The reason why Cop Rock failed was that too many of us thought it was short for “Coprophagia Rock” and didn’t wanna see that.

7.) RT if you’re wasting your prime sexin’ years on not settling for just anybody. FAV if you go to bars.

8.) Berry oh Berry/oh Berry of Boo/I could eat you/’til my poo turned blue.

9.) An update of INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE where the correct choice is a Red Solo cup.

10.) Ahmed needs to walk into school with a sundial w/ “Not A Knife, Rednecks” on it, throw ‘em the double bird and walk back out.