Nov 1-8 in 2020s

Friday, November 1, 2024
Why must life be so complicated? And why must it be so full of what you don’t want, with so much settling for second best? Unsurprisingly, I’m not going to be able to get Galileo back because they aren’t partnered with any plans available to me right now. Their focus is mostly on the Northeast. They do have something called Teladoc, but I don’t know if I’ll go with them. You can use their services without insurance, but it’ll cost you. I just hate to get into something I like just to have to give it up in a year.

Tom realized that Florida has this scheme of putting out lots of low-cost plans every year only to jack up the price the next year, hoping people won’t notice or will stick with it out of convenience. The thought of combing through dozens of plans every single year, doing all that paperwork, and starting over with new doctors makes my head spin. But there might be some good in it. Before a PC could get too focused on hassling me about my thyroid, cholesterol, and blood pressure, I’d already be done with them. Plus, if I don’t like them, it’s only for a year.

I’m guessing I’m not getting that mouthguard. Why would I ever get what I actually want? Personally, I still think I have chronic fatigue. The best I can do is hope my A1C is down and try a CPAP again. Hopefully, I can get used to it, even though I don’t know if sleep apnea is a big factor in my fatigue. Until I can adjust to the device, I won’t know how much it contributes to it.

The weather is the only thing I like about Florida the more I think about it. Our lives are still so needlessly complicated and they shouldn’t be for retirees. We can’t control what health issues we get but the healthcare system shouldn’t be so fucked up here or anywhere. It’s like we’re doomed to spend half of our lives doing health work and it will mostly be for nothing in the end because I still fear my fatigue is hopeless. No wonder it’s so cheap here. The weather may be nice but the healthcare sucks, insurance of various kinds sucks, the people suck, etc. The only good and reliable doctor I have is the one I don’t need…the glaucoma doc. I ain’t going Hellen Keller! I may have a million other problems but I’m not going blind.

Saturday, November 2, 2024
There were some gay-bashing jokes circulating in the park group. I read that you can report anonymously, so I flagged it to the group administration since it falls under politics, which isn’t allowed. It’s disturbing how many misogynistic, homophobic, and no doubt anti-semitic people live here.

Now that I think of it, I’m a little surprised the person would bash gays like that and laugh along with the others doing the same because I swear he was friends with Jim, the gay guy who moved to Brooksville. It still blows my mind though how many people support Trump and hate this totally harmless group that has done nothing in society but fight for equality. Everyone thinks they’re perverts or child molesters and I don’t see how 2 consenting adults of the same sex that love each other equates to either one. But so what if other groups have proven time after time to be a problem, right? Hell, I’ve been attracted to many women in my lifetime and have never once had the hots for anyone underaged. In fact, I’ve always preferred older women, even when I was younger.

Another shitty sleep. I really need to get some kind of sleep apnea device; this is getting ridiculous. No matter what position I slept in, I snored through my nose. I still suspect some of it might be related to my septum. If I can ever get into an ENT, maybe they can shed some light on it. I had other breathing issues too, and woke up feeling like I couldn’t suck in enough air.

I kept waking up either because my shoulder hurt, I was cold, or I had to get up and pee. I also had a few random dreams. One was of Andy, but it was too vague to recall much. In another, the mystery girl told me she likes blondes. I even dreamed about having a guinea pig and a couple of rats.

Anyway, I put away the laundry and cleaned the shower stall. I don’t know how much more energy I’ll have for cleaning tonight.

I also picked up a couple of plain white mugs from Walmart for about a dollar each since my other mugs are holding colored pencils now. I’m planning to get some paint pens to add a little color to the outside.

Sunday, November 3, 2024
When I see writing prompts asking, “What would you tell your younger self?” I’d tell myself to appreciate the things you take for granted when you’re young. When you’re young, you don’t realize how much you’ll miss having good health, good vision, a better memory, control over your weight, no gray hairs, and so much more.

On a personal note, I only got about five hours of sleep and am tired as usual. I managed some dusting, but the kitchen counters, appliances, and floors will have to wait till tomorrow. I don’t expect to have more energy, but I’m pacing myself. I don’t remember snoring last night, but I woke up with shoulder pain at one point.

I also had a dream where Tom and I were walking through what was supposed to be this park, though it looked different. We saw a cute little cottage nestled among rolling hills. I commented on how cute it was. Then we walked past an area that had been an empty lot, but they were now building the foundation for something. I told Tom, “I knew it wouldn’t stay empty forever.” I hope it’s not a sign that something’s going to be built behind us.

Then the dream shifted, and we were exiting a building that was a bit of an obstacle course to navigate. Tom got ahead of me and didn’t wait, so I worried I’d get lost with my shitty memory.

Tuesday, November 5, 2024
Yesterday, I broke down in tears over my health issues. I took a nap, which gave me a bit of energy, and then I scrubbed the kitchen. But after just 20 to 30 minutes, it damned near knocked the wind out of me.

Today, my energy levels are a little better, though I’m still horribly stressed and feeling overwhelmed by my health issues.

I hate to say it, but if nothing can be done for my allergies in Florida, and if I ever have the energy to do so, maybe it’s time to consider moving back to a cooler place as long as it isn’t as cold as Oregon or Massachusetts. Maybe there’s somewhere similar to the last place with affordable land that isn’t a world away from civilization. It wouldn’t be as ideal as Florida’s climate, but it wouldn’t be extreme. I should have known this would happen, given I had similar issues with humidity in Massachusetts. They even told Termite Tammy to get the hell out of Florida. If she’s in Connecticut, as I suspect, I wonder how she can afford such an expensive state. I’m pretty sure her first mistake still lives there.

The more I think about it, the more I think Tom has a good point in wondering if my allergies might be affecting my breathing while I sleep. If they bother me while I’m awake, they’d certainly do the same while I’m sleeping—especially since I don’t open my mouth much when I sleep.

I also think it might be worth having my fatty tumor reevaluated. Galileo said it was harmless, but they wanted to check it a year later to see if it had grown. Well, it’s definitely much more than a year later. AI said that even the slightest change could affect hormone production and, therefore, energy levels.

My thyroid is definitely stabilizing because my weight is down. It’s been about a month since any skipped or missed doses, so it’s had time to build back up, especially since I wasn’t starting from scratch. That’s why I’m leaning more toward sleep apnea or CF as the culprit. There are some slow-growing cancers that take years to develop and could cause fatigue, but I just can’t see that as a possibility.

Right now, I just feel so fucking overwhelmed with trying to find the best health plan, picking out new doctors, going through all the paperwork, and trying to figure out what’s wrong with me—and how to treat it in a way that won’t make me feel worse.

Anyway, I was able to mop the kitchen floor with our new string mop, and it looks so much better. Fortunately, it didn’t knock the wind out of me either. The RoboVAC just doesn’t do a great job mopping so every now and then I have to do it myself to get at the stubborn spots.

He crashed early because he donated yesterday, which always makes him tired. So he’ll be up early, and we might go out to eat at Denny’s. I definitely need to get the fuck out of here.

I had a dream where I was holding dumbbells and marching briskly in place, realizing I could pick up my pace and go longer because I was getting into better shape. Too bad that’s not likely a premonition.

Wednesday, November 6, 2024
Welcome to the United States of Fucktards where women love men and men love men. eyeroll Although, I’m guessing there wasn’t as much of a turnout which would be Biden’s fault because he did such a shitty job.

So I get up after midnight, take a quick glance at the headlines, and see everything played out just as I knew it would. That’s the shitty part of being psychic: you know right away when things aren’t going to work out and you have no room for hope. It isn’t just a psychic thing, though, it’s common sense. I’ve seen how twisted Americans are becoming. They hate women and gays and they love Trump so much that the little bastard could kill babies right in front of the country’s noses, and they would still vote for him. So, like I said, I get up, and I see Trump wins this state, Trump wins that state. Trump wins. Trump wins. Trump wins. But again, I knew he would and I also knew most Floridians were anti-abortion. It’s a twisted trend we’ve been on where more and more people are brainwashed to believe it’s murder. sighs At least there are still pills, DIY, and other states for the few that want it.

So Andy and the scum I live with and wish to desperately escape will be thrilled. At least the little closet case will pick on the illegals and staunch the flow of outsiders a bit.

People are getting more and more delusional that the next thing I know, I’m not going to be able to get the CPAP back (since I likely can’t get the mouthguard I want), saying that I’m way God made me, and it would be a sin to try to change it. I’d say I hope the next bullet finds its mark, but if it weren’t Trump, it would just be some other Refucklican.

Very tired, first due to the long stretch and then broken-up sleep. I just can’t win either way. Either I’m tired because I’m low on thyroid, or I’m tired because I’m not low on thyroid and up forever. Because whatever is cursing my sleep has no traffic to use against it, it has to use my own body. First, I did that snorting sound that is supposed to be a sign of sleep apnea and septum issues, along with that erratic hissing-like sound that the first pulmonologist demonstrated as a sign of sleep apnea, and then my shoulder hurt like a motherfucker.

Also, there’s no point in continuing with the snot spray because when I woke up and took off the breathing strip, my nose was barely breathable—it was so fucking stuffy.

I have never been so anxious to get the fuck out of Florida, and not because of politics. Unless I really do have septum issues, my nose definitely does NOT like this climate just because I do. If I have to go colder to get my nose back, then yeah, I’ll make the trade-off.

I hate this park in general, the people, owning and renting at the same time, and being made to feel like a kid all over by being told what to do. I love the idea of eventually being able to save twice as much money, and maybe the state will have better healthcare, whatever it ends up being. Hurricane season is still a big concern, too. We’re already into November and there’s another one entering the Gulf, though it won’t affect Florida.

He and I were talking yesterday, and while I will always hate cold and snow, I realize there are some benefits to those climates. As long as it doesn’t get humid in the summer like the Northeast, it keeps things quieter outdoors and is better for sleeping and things like that. I wish I was climate-oblivious like he is. I don’t remember a single motorcycle in Oregon. I’m willing to keep my mind open to all possibilities at this point. If it weren’t so humid and expensive, Massachusetts would probably be the best state for us with its universal healthcare.

In other news, we went to Denny’s yesterday and I got chicken strips and fries. He got an omelet.

Thursday, November 7, 2024
Well, that was easy. Just did a survey on the job site that asked if I’m still happy in Florida.

No.

Do you feel at home in Florida?

No.

Do you want to move to another state?

Yes.

Do you want to live in another state?

Yes.

Seriously, we’re so out of here! Don’t have a choice anymore, although that’s just fine with me. I’m ready to go for a variety of reasons, though politics has little to do with it. We did it, tried it, lived it, and just don’t like it.

As I’ve said before, I don’t mind the humidity, but my nose sure does. Woke up in the middle of my sleep to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep because my nose was so fucking stuffy I could barely breathe out of it. I was up for a couple of hours before I was finally able to go back to sleep. I took Claritin, not thinking it would help much, but it did.

I did some research on potential allergens where I used to live and where we may live. In Auburn, when I was having sneezing fits, it said that oaks, pines, and cedars could cause it along with ragweed. I suspect Ragweed was responsible because we didn’t have much of that where we ended up in Citrus Heights, and I didn’t have the sneezing fits there. It was like how I was allergic to something in Phoenix but not Maricopa when we lived in Arizona.

I compared Texas and New Mexico, and it looks like New Mexico would be better. A little worried about it affecting my TMJ, but that’s easier to deal with than this shit. It’s also a liberal state that has Death with Dignity. Again though, we’re keeping our eyes and minds open to various possibilities, and nothing is etched in stone yet. It could be several months. If it was up to me, we’d be out of here before September when the hurricanes pick up again. As a psychic, I have every reason to trust my feelings that say that within the next few years, this house may not be demolished but will definitely sustain wind damage that would be pretty costly to fix. Knowing that things typically take us longer than planned, it could be a year or two.

Tom and I couldn’t agree with each other more on the fact that it’s just as wrong to enshrine abortion into a state’s constitution as it is to ban it because it’s a fucking medical decision. Medical decisions should never be laws up for debate as to whether or not they should be banned or enshrined but be between the patients and the doctors. I mean, what are they going to do next, enshrine the fucking flu shot?

I have a surprising amount of energy, despite the break in my sleep. So, we went to Publix where I grabbed some fruit and pina colada. It’s still super humid out there, even though we’re already a week into November. Not sure I remember being this humid this late in the year.

I had one dream where Tom lost some mobility in his elbow and another where we might have been in the middle of moving somewhere. The thing is, we were in this place that seemed to be temporary, and it wasn’t an apartment but it wasn’t a hotel either. It had a bedroom besides a living room, a bathroom, and a kitchen, and was a lot like the Siesta Suites we stayed at in Scottsdale when we were between Phoenix and Maricopa.

I commented to Tom about being surprised that the room next to us had remained vacant that long but was planning to sleep in another room further away as soon as it was occupied. Then a woman and a man who managed or might have even owned the place were talking to us and two other couples. One was white, and the other was black. The black guy used the bathroom in our room, and as he passed by, I said hi to him. He glanced at me but didn’t say anything back.

I didn’t seem to be too distressed or nervous, so whatever was going on didn’t bother me, and I don’t think either of these dreams mean anything.

I sure hope Tom’s elbow will be okay. He’s had problems with it in the past, but that was a few years ago.

Lastly, I had a dream that someone asked me if I believed in reincarnation and I said no. Then they asked what I thought would happen if it did exist, and I said, “Well, given that there are so many countries, I’ll probably go to another country and not remember any of the states I lived in here.”

Friday, November 8, 2024
Oh, do I have an interesting story to share today!

Some of you don’t know me well, while others may have been following along. So, for a bit of background: I have four first cousins. Two of them, Lori and Lisa, are close to me in age—Lori’s a year older than me, and Lisa is a year younger. Decades ago, they decided they didn’t want anything to do with me, though I was never told why. To this day, all I can do is guess and speculate.

Maybe it’s because, in my younger, more mischievous days, I was connected to someone who made a few prank phone calls to their mom. It was nothing personal—just silly, immature stuff I did in my twenties. Or maybe it’s because I didn’t like their father, who could be very mean. Or it might be the lingering impression I’ve had that their father resented me because my mother, his sister, gave me several items when our grandparents passed away and he had a problem with that. If that was true, all they had to do was ask for anything they wanted, and I would’ve happily given it to them. I never asked for anything I was given by my mother. I simply accepted it because I thought it was the right and polite thing to do.

The surprising twist in all this? Lori’s daughter recently requested to add me on 23andMe. Now, I only go by my initials there, but I’m still surprised she didn’t know who I was as I thought her mother would be quick to bash me to her a long time ago.

When I accepted her request, I shared my side of things and explained that I see holding onto grudges all these years as pretty pointless. I don’t harbor any resentment toward Lori or Lisa; I’m just indifferent now.

I also told her about my bio. It’s been very therapeutic for me to write, I told her, and if it can help other survivors of abuse in any way, even better. I gave her the link if she wanted to learn more about the family and left it up to her—she can read it, or she doesn’t have to. The choice is entirely hers although I’m expecting to get blocked on 23 and me and for her not to have any interest in the bio. Like it or not, people do tend to hold grudges and be unforgiving and if they see their parents like that, they will usually follow in their footsteps.

So, yeah, definitely an interesting day so far!

Later…

My cousin’s daughter has the Wicked Witch of the East listed as being born in New Hampshire. I didn’t know that. I just assumed she was born in Springfield.

Although I didn’t have breathing issues, I only slept for five hours, which doesn’t make it easier to get to my appointment. I gotta try my best to get there because I have questions for her. I also scheduled my dental appointment for December.

We don’t think we’ll be able to move next year, but we’re aiming for some time in 2026. The tentative plan is to find out if it would be cheaper to get either a gas car or a better electric car here or in New Mexico, which is where we’re likely going to end up. If it’s cheaper here, we’ll drive out there. If it’s cheaper there, we’ll fly out and buy one there. Since there aren’t any major ports where we’re headed, we’ll probably have to pack our stuff in a pod, have it shipped to El Paso, and fly in there. Once we’re set up, we’ll drive a U-Haul to Texas to retrieve our belongings.

We’re planning to go off the grid. Now that options are available that weren’t around when we moved to Maricopa, it’ll take a while for people and their damn dogs to reach us once the area builds up. We’re looking at getting two tiny homes, each around 500 square feet. One would be for living, and the other would serve as a laundry room and storage. The main house will be of better quality and possibly even furnished. You can bet I’m taking my beloved waterbed! Same goes for my skier—my favorite way to stay active. A good 90% of the dolls, knick-knacks, and various collectibles won’t be making the move. The second house will be very basic, with only water pipes and a sink installed, which will be all we need for a washer and dryer. We’ll definitely talk to a realtor, a contractor, and whoever else we may need. We’ll also need to bring in solar panels and dig a well.

The few things I have mixed feelings about are that the place will be small, colder in the winter, and I’ll be back among the nightmares I experienced in Arizona. I saw it all there—tarantulas, black widows, scorpions, snakes, etc. I’m not usually scared of snakes, but we have to be cautious depending on the season. I only saw one Gila monster in Arizona, but they’re bad news too. Javelinas can also be trouble. I’m more concerned with being creeped out by giant but harmless spiders than by any actual dangers.

I still can’t figure out what those giant spiders were in Phoenix that didn’t seem to be in Maricopa. Not that Maricopa didn’t have its share of horror-movie spiders. I thought they might be Avondales, but AI says those aren’t in Arizona. I don’t think they were tarantulas, even though they were just as big, because they didn’t seem furry. Tarantulas tend to move slowly, too. My research suggests they might have been hobos, wolf spiders, or some less harmful kind of brown recluse. Whatever they were, they were nightmare material. They were HUGE. We’re talking a good six inches in diameter, at least.

Given how things have turned out here, I’m now glad we didn’t get that house I wanted in Port St. Lucie. That would have been a bit hard to give up. It was bigger and had an amazing view. Now, I just want a place where I feel safe which I really love, somewhere we can stay until we’re too old and have to move into an apartment or assisted living.